The Wife in the Picture

The first time Su Wanyin appeared in the political picture was on a Tuesday in late April, at a small banquet at the Mayor's residence.

The banquet was — for senior cadres and their spouses. Forty couples. The Mayor's wife was — the formal hostess. Wives of senior officials were — visible in the city's social network for the first time in their husbands' careers when invited to such occasions.

It was Su Wanyin's first such invitation.

She said, the night before, in their apartment: "Lin Zhaoxu. What is the protocol."

"Wear something — formal but not flashy. Speak when spoken to. Do not — initiate substantive conversations with anyone above the rank of Deputy Director. Do not — drink more than one glass of wine, even if pressed. Do not — comment on any political matter, even casually. If asked about your work, mention the library briefly and redirect."

"Mm."

She thought.

She said: "I have read about banquets like this in books. They have not — described the specific behavioral rules."

"The rules are — implicit. Most wives learn them — by going to ten or twelve banquets and observing carefully. You are — being thrown into the first one with no preparation."

"My mother went to dozens. I never — paid attention."

"Yes."

"Do — wives sometimes — embarrass their husbands at these things."

"Yes. Frequently. The most common forms — drinking too much, making jokes that fall flat, asking inappropriate questions about other husbands' careers, expressing political opinions."

"I will — avoid all four."

"Yes."

She — almost smiled.

She said: "Walk safely, Deputy Director Lin."

"Yes, wife."

#

The banquet was — at the Mayor's residence, a large compound in the eastern part of the city that had — once been a Republican-era estate. It had been — restored for senior official residence in the nineties. The dining hall held — perhaps fifty people comfortably.

Lin and Su Wanyin arrived at six twenty-five — five minutes before the announced start. Other couples were — beginning to arrive. The Mayor's wife — Madame Cao — greeted each couple at the door personally.

When Lin and Su Wanyin reached the front, Madame Cao said: "Deputy Director Lin. And — this must be Wanyin."

"Madame Cao, this is — my wife, Su Wanyin."

Madame Cao took Su Wanyin's hand.

She said: "I knew your mother, slightly, many years ago. You have — her hands."

Su Wanyin — for one fraction of a second — was visibly surprised.

She said: "Thank you, Madame Cao. My mother has — not mentioned that she — knew you."

"Of course not. We were — both younger then. The acquaintance was — passing. But I — remembered her hands. They were — beautiful. Yours are — the same shape."

She — held Su Wanyin's hand for two more seconds.

Then she said: "Welcome, Wanyin. Sit at the third table. Beside Madame Liang, who is — our new Director's wife. She is — pleasant. You will get on."

She moved on to the next couple.

#

At the third table, Madame Liang was — perhaps fifty-five, broadly built, with a kind face. She greeted Su Wanyin warmly.

The dinner was — six courses. Conversation was — careful but not cold. Madame Liang asked Su Wanyin about her work at the library. Su Wanyin answered briefly and asked Madame Liang about her family. Madame Liang's response involved — three grandchildren, two cats, and a small garden in the courtyard of their official residence.

By the third course, the two women were — at ease.

By the fifth course, Madame Liang said: "Wanyin. You are — twenty-seven this year."

"Yes."

"And your husband is — twenty-four."

"Yes."

"You are — older."

"By three years."

Madame Liang nodded.

She said: "Wanyin. I will — give you a piece of advice that no one will give you, because — most senior cadres' wives are younger than their husbands. The advice is — when your husband makes a mistake — and he will, all of them do — you will — see it before he does. Sometimes — months before. Because — you are older, you will read situations he is — too immersed in to read.

"When you see the mistake — you have two choices. Tell him. Or — wait until he asks.

"Most wives wait. Out of — propriety, or — respect for his autonomy, or — fear of being seen as interfering. The waiting is — sometimes appropriate. But — sometimes the mistake — cannot be undone by the time he asks.

"My advice is — when you see something you are — almost certain about — tell him. Even if he is — annoyed. Even if he disagrees. Even if you are — wrong sometimes, which you will be. The cost of being wrong sometimes is — small. The cost of withholding when you are right is — sometimes — very large.

"You have — the advantage of being older. Use it."

Su Wanyin — looked at her.

She said: "Thank you, Madame Liang."

"Mm."

#

After dinner, Madame Cao circulated through the tables, exchanging brief words with each woman. When she reached Su Wanyin, she said:

"Wanyin. May I speak with you for a moment in the small library. There is — something I would like to show you."

Su Wanyin — followed her.

The small library was — a narrow room off the main hall, perhaps twenty square meters. Books on three walls. Two chairs. A small lamp.

Madame Cao closed the door.

She said: "Wanyin. I will be — brief.

"Your husband has — entered a category of cadres who, over the next ten years, will — become very visible. The Mayor has — high expectations. The next decade of his career will be — difficult and — visible.

"I am — telling you this because — I went through the same period with my husband — twenty-five years ago. He was — younger then than your husband is now, when he entered his first major leadership role. The decade that followed was — the hardest decade of our marriage. We — almost did not survive it.

"What we did — wrong, in retrospect — was not preparing in advance for the specific things that — would test the marriage. The things were — predictable, but — we did not predict them.

"I will — tell you what they were. So that you can — predict them.

"First — your husband will, in the next two years, develop relationships with junior cadres who will — become his protégés. Some of those protégés will be — young women. The relationships will be — entirely professional. Other people, however, will — speculate. The speculation will reach you — through small channels. You will need to — choose, in advance, how to handle the speculation when it reaches you.

"Second — your husband will, in the next five years, be — offered — opportunities that involve — significant travel. Some of the travel will be — extended. The travel will create — distance in the marriage. You will need to — develop habits, in advance, that — preserve the closeness across the distance.

"Third — your husband will, in the next eight years, accumulate — substantial responsibility. The responsibility will — change him. He will — become more guarded, in small ways, even with you. You will need to — actively work to — maintain — the kind of openness that you have now. Without — active effort, the openness will erode.

"Fourth — your husband will, at some point in the next decade, — face his first real fall. The fall will — likely come — when he is in his early thirties. The fall is — the hardest test. Most marriages do not — survive the first fall. Wives who have been — building careful resentments through the decade — find that the resentments — surface during the fall, and the marriage does not — recover.

"To survive the fall — you need to — not have built the resentments. Not because you — should not feel them. Because — you should — express them at the time, address them at the time, resolve them at the time. Carrying — small wounds across years — is — what produces — the resentment that — kills marriages during the fall.

"I am — telling you these four things because — Madame Liang told me equivalent things in 1999, and they — saved my marriage. I — pass them on."

Su Wanyin had — listened without interruption.

She said: "Madame Cao. Thank you."

"Mm."

A pause.

"There is — one more thing. Smaller. About — Wen Qiao."

Su Wanyin's eyes — sharpened slightly.

She said: "Yes."

"I have — read Wen Qiao's piece on your husband from last spring. The piece was — careful. Wen Qiao is — a thoughtful person.

"She is also — a young woman who will, in her own career, — over the next ten years — encounter many senior cadres. Her relationship with your husband will — fade naturally as both their careers develop in different directions. By the time you are — thirty-five, Wen Qiao will be — a footnote in your husband's contacts list.

"But — until then — she is — present. You should — periodically — invite her to dinner. Once a year. Lin and Wen Qiao and you. Make her — visibly — a contact of your household, not — a private contact of your husband's. The visible inclusion neutralizes — the speculation that forms around private male-female working relationships. The speculation forms — when the relationship is — invisible to the wife. When the wife — visibly knows and visibly approves — the speculation has nothing to grip.

"Most wives — refuse to do this, out of pride. The refusal is — almost always a mistake."

"Yes, Madame Cao."

"Mm. Now we should — return. The dinner is over; people will be — leaving."

#

In the car home, Su Wanyin told Lin everything.

He listened.

When she had finished, he said: "Wanyin. Thank you for — telling me directly."

"Yes."

"Madame Cao's advice."

"Yes."

"What do you — think of it."

She thought.

She said: "All four points are — accurate predictions. The fourth one — about the fall — is — what I have been afraid of since my father told me about you. It is — also — the one Madame Liang anticipated when she gave me her advice at dinner. Both women — independently — pointed at the fall."

"Yes."

"They are — telling us, in different forms, the same thing. Build now. Maintain deliberately. Do not — let small wounds accumulate. Address them at the time."

"Yes."

A pause.

She said: "Lin Zhaoxu."

"Yes."

"I will — invite Wen Qiao to dinner. In our home. Once a year, beginning this autumn."

"Yes."

"And — going forward — when I see something you are about to do that I am — almost certain is a mistake — I will tell you. Not — wait. Tell."

"Yes."

"You may — disagree with me. You may — be annoyed. I — accept this."

"Yes."

She — leaned against him in the car.

She said: "Tonight — was a great deal."

"Yes."

She slept against his shoulder for the rest of the drive home.

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