68: The Day of Not-Speaking

The day of Lao Wen's not-speaking went on through the dawn of the next morning and into the noon and into the long quiet of the afternoon.

He did not, at the second cock, speak to wake Heizi at the small banked fire. He rose — by the small specific reading at the small even sound of his small wooden cot at the eastern wall — at the same hour he rose every morning. He sat up. He put on his small specific outer robe in the small specific careful way of the past two years. He came to the small fire that Heizi had — by the small specific accumulating reading of the past year and a half — already laid at the morning's small live coal.

He did not, at the small fire, lay one hand on the top of Heizi's head in the small specific old man's gesture that had become the small specific morning protocol of the hut.

He did not, by the small specific reading at his face, refuse the gesture either. He did not, by the small specific reading, withhold it. He simply did not — on this morning — make it. He sat down at the small wooden stool with the small wooden bowl of warmed water Heizi had drawn at the dawn's first quarter, and he drank slowly, and he set the bowl down.

He did not speak.

The brothers, by the small specific accumulating reading of the past year and a half, did not — at the morning fire — speak either. They had not, since the small specific cuts of the dressing of the body the previous noon, said much.

Wang Er ate the small specific portion of millet at his small wooden bowl in the small slow even quiet of a smith's son's slow honest weight. The lame boy, at the small low pad, ate slowly. The boy, at the small slab, did not eat at all for the first quarter hour; he then took up his small wooden bowl and ate the small specific reduced portion An Ashi had laid in it without comment.

Heizi, at his place at the small wooden table, ate.

He ate by the small specific accumulating reading of the past nine months at the noon that this was the small ordinary food of an ordinary morning, and the small ordinary food, by the small specific accumulating reading at this morning, was the small specific instrument of the small ordinary work the household had to do regardless of the small specific quiet of an old officer at his stool.

He ate slowly. He drank the small portion of warmed water. He set the bowl down.

He looked at Lao Wen.

The old scholar did not — at the small wooden stool — return the look.

He looked, by the small specific reading at the small set of his small old eyes, at the small wooden table.

Heizi did not — at the morning fire — speak either.

He understood, slowly, by the small specific reading at the past quarter hour at the small wooden table, that Lao Wen's small specific not-speaking was — by the small specific old way of an old officer — the small specific not-speaking of a man who had, at the noon yesterday, taken at sixty the first man at his hut in nineteen winters by his own small specific spear.

The small specific not-speaking was — by the small specific reading at this morning — for the old officer's own small specific accumulating arithmetic. Not for Heizi.

Lao Wen had been, by the small specific reading at the small bound *Daxue* he had not opened at the previous afternoon, at the small specific quiet of a man who had to set the small specific noon back into the small specific reading of his own life.

The man at the small clear ground had been the first man at the hut.

The previous men Lao Wen had taken — by the small specific accumulating reading of the past two years' small specific implication — had been, perhaps, at the watch in Wen-di seventeen, at his twenty-seventh year, at the small specific skirmish at the fold of the Henan border that the small specific fifth comrade had fallen at. There had, perhaps, been others. Lao Wen had — at sixty, at a hut in the upper hills for nineteen winters — by the small specific reading at the past two years, gone many years without taking another. The small specific spear-thrust at the noon yesterday had been the small specific *the first in nineteen winters*.

Heizi understood, sitting at the small wooden table with the small empty wooden bowl in front of him, that the not-speaking was the old man's small specific way of laying the small specific noon yesterday back into the small specific accumulating arithmetic of his own life.

He let the old man have the day.

The brothers, by the small specific accumulating reading at the past quarter hour at the small wooden table, did the same.

They went, slowly, at their small specific morning works. The smith's son went out to the small kindling at the back. The lame boy went to the small wooden bench at the eastern wall. The boy went to the small slab. Heizi went to the small wooden table at his usual place — and, after a moment, decided not to take down the small wooden tablets of the radicals from their small wooden box. He took, instead, from the inner pocket of his shirt the small folded indigo pouch, and he laid the small folded square of pale yellow silk with the *生* on the small wooden table.

He looked at it.

He looked at it for a long beat.

He thought of his sister.

He had — by the small specific reading at the past two years — thought of her at many small specific moments of the small wooden table. He thought of her now, on this morning of not-speaking, at a slightly different small specific reading.

He thought: *Mei-er. By the small specific reading at the noon yesterday, at the small clear ground in front of the south face of an old scholar's hut at the upper hills of Henan, I cut the throat of a man who had — by the small specific reading of an old officer's small specific spear-thrust at the small specific window of his chest — already begun to die. I cut him slowly. I cut him with our foster father's old militia knife. The cut was clean. The man's last word was* lad.

He thought: *I had, at the gully east of the third valley two and a half years ago, refused to do something close to this. I had let the courier go. The courier had been alive. The courier, by the small specific reading at the time, had decided to live. I had not taken the decision from him.*

He thought: *the man at the small clear ground yesterday had not, at the small specific moment of the spear-thrust, made the decision to live. He had — by the small specific accumulating reading at his own small specific having come up the path with weapons drawn — made the small specific opposite decision. The decision had been taken from him at the small specific moment of the spear-thrust. I, by the small specific instruction of an old officer, finished the taking.*

He thought: *the country has — by the small specific reading at the past two and a half years — taught me the small specific difference between the gully and the small clear ground. I had not, until yesterday at the noon, fully held the difference in my hands.*

He thought: *Mei-er. The country has, by some small specific accident of its accumulating teaching, made me the kind of man who can — at the small specific instant of an old officer's small specific saying — finish the small specific taking of a man at a small clear ground in front of a hut. I had not, at the morning of the third moon of the year you laid the* 生 *into the small folded indigo pouch, been that kind of man. I am — at this morning of the third week of the ninth moon of the second year at this hut, by the small specific accumulating reading of the country — that kind of man now.*

He thought: *the small specific* 生 *on the silk has not been — by the small specific reading at this morning — made smaller by the small specific cut at the carotid. The* 生 *and the cut, by the small specific reading I am giving, hold each other. The* 生 *is, by the small specific reading, why I cut. The cut is, by the small specific reading, what the* 生 *required of me. They are, by the small specific reading at this morning, the small specific same thing.*

He folded the small square of silk, slowly, and put it back in the pouch.

He put the pouch back in the inner pocket of his shirt against his ribs.

He did not, at the small wooden table, weep.

He had not, at any small specific moment of the past two years and four months, wept since the low rock behind the burned eastern row of the hamlet of two wells.

He did not, on this morning, weep either.

He took out the small wooden tablets of the radicals.

He laid out the next ten — the small radicals from the hundred and seventieth to the hundred and seventy-ninth — on the small wooden table in front of him.

He began the small specific work of the morning's reading.

By the noon, Heizi had laid the next ten radicals into his head at the small specific accumulating reading.

Lao Wen, at the small wooden stool, had not — at the noon — opened the small bound *Daxue*. He had — by the small specific reading at the past three hours — sat at the small stool, looking at the small wooden table, with the small bound *Daxue* still closed.

He was, by the small specific reading at the noon, still at his not-speaking.

The brothers ate the small noon meal in the small accumulating quiet.

The afternoon went on.

By the third hour after noon, Heizi — at the small wooden table — laid out, for the first time on the small folded paper Lao Wen had given him at the first day of the eighth moon, the small specific writing of his own first attempt at a small letter. He had been, in the past three weeks, at the small specific accumulating reading of the small bound *Analects* and the *Daxue* and at the small specific writing of small specific small phrases at the slab in his own hand. He had not yet — by the small specific reading at the past three weeks — laid out a small full small letter.

He laid it out now.

He laid it slowly, on a single small folded piece of paper, in the small specific careful even strokes of an apprentice's first letter. He laid out perhaps twenty characters. The small letter was — by the small specific reading at his own laying — to no one in particular. It was a small specific exercise. He wrote, on the small piece of paper, in the small specific even strokes:

*Three weeks ago at the lower contour, four men with weapons came up the western face of the bear-back. At the noon yesterday they came to the small clear ground in front of the south face of the hut. The teacher, who is sixty, took one with his old spear. I took one with the militia knife at the carotid. The man's last word was lad. The teacher has not, on this morning, spoken. I have, on this morning, finished the next ten radicals.*

He laid the small piece of paper at the corner of the small wooden table.

He did not — at the small wooden table — bring it to Lao Wen's attention.

He went to the small wooden bench at the eastern wall, where the lame brother was at the small specific carving of a new small wooden bowl of his own making, and helped the lame brother for an hour with the small specific careful holding of a small piece of pine while the lame brother shaped the inner curve.

By the dusk of the day, Heizi had — by the small specific reading at the small accumulating quiet of the household — done the small ordinary work of the day in the small ordinary way the household did it, and Lao Wen had still not, by the small specific reading at the small wooden stool, spoken.

By the dusk of the day, Lao Wen rose from the small wooden stool.

He came, slowly, to the small wooden table.

He looked at the small folded piece of paper at the corner of the small wooden table.

He took it up.

He read it — by the small specific reading at his old eyes at the small even strokes — slowly.

He set the paper down.

He looked at Heizi.

He said in the small low voice: *lad.*

It was the first word he had spoken at the household in twenty-seven hours.

"Yes, master."

He looked at the small folded piece of paper.

He said: *the small specific letter is the small specific letter of an apprentice at his first laying. The strokes are even. The phrasing is the small specific phrasing of a young man at the small specific accumulating reading. The small specific subject is — by the small specific reading I am giving at this dusk — the small specific subject the household is at.*

He paused.

"You have not, in the small specific letter, written* I cut a man's throat at the small clear ground.* You have written *I took one with the militia knife at the carotid.* The small specific *taking* is — by the small specific reading I am giving — the small specific accumulating language of an old officer's old saying. You have laid it in your hand at the small specific instant of the cut, and at the small specific writing of the cut on paper at the dusk, by the small specific accumulating reading of the past two years' small specific accumulating teaching."

He paused.

"That is — that is the small specific reading I am giving."

He paused once more.

"You did right by the man, lad. By the small specific reading of an old officer's small specific old saying — you did right by him. You are, by the small specific reading, at the small specific accumulating shape of a young man whose hand the country, by the small specific reading at the next ten years, will need."

He laid one hand once on the top of Heizi's head — light, gone — in the small specific old man's gesture.

He had not, by the small specific reading at this dusk, laid the gesture at any small specific moment in the past twenty-seven hours.

He went back to the small wooden stool. He took up the small bound *Daxue*. He opened it.

The lessons went on.

The brothers, at the small fire of the small evening, did the small specific accumulating ordinary work in the small specific accumulating ordinary quiet. They ate. They drank. The smith's son banked the fire's evening live coal. The lame brother laid down the small new wooden bowl. The boy filed at the small slab the small specific arithmetic of the third week of the ninth moon, with the small specific accumulating addition of the small specific entry: *one bandit dead at the small clear ground at noon of the previous day; spear-thrust by master; finish-cut by big brother. Two bandits escaped down the western face. One bandit at lower contour camp, presumed gone with the escaped two. The household has, by the small specific reading I am giving at this evening, become — for the first time at this hut — known to the country as a household with weapons.*

Heizi sat his watch.

He listened.

The shape of the silence at this evening was — by the small specific reading at this watch — the shape of an old hut whose old officer had, at the dusk, broken his small specific not-speaking, and whose young apprentice had — by the small specific reading at the small folded piece of paper — laid the small specific letter that the old officer had — by the small specific careful reading at the corner of the small wooden table — taken up and read and set down with the small specific old man's gesture.

He filed it.

In the small lighter catalog of moments, beside the small specific morning of the slates and the small specific noon of the cloth map, he set, at last:

*The small specific dusk of the day of not-speaking, when the master broke silence by reading the small letter and laid one hand on the top of his apprentice's head.*

The lighter catalog stood, at this dusk, at perhaps twenty-seven items.

The dark catalog stood at six names.

He sat his watch through.

The owls of the upper hills called once.

The wind, by the small specific reading at the second hour of the late watch, was at the small steady cool of the second autumn's deep night. The country, in the small unhurried way, kept the small old hut and the five young breaths inside it.

By the dawn, the small specific other half of the teaching — the deeper half, by the small specific reading at the small specific events of the noon two days ago — would, at the small specific reading of an old officer's voice, begin.